It's not you, it's me.
I've been interested in fashion for a long time. I can't even remember exactly how the obsession started or what really fueled it. My first memories of real experiences that fueled my passion are twofold. I was at a local store in Scarsdale, NY when I was really young. I'm guessing we were doing back to school shopping because I remember the owner taking me me in the back with her to rummage through boxes of new merchandise to see if there was anything that I liked that had yet to be unpacked. The second was going to work with my aunt when she was the VP of Wholesale for a growing clothing brand. A petite teen, I desperately wanted to fit into the clothes in the showroom and recall trying on almost every sample which I'm sure the assistant did not find amusing. I remember having the best time and leaving with a sample of a t-shirt that, although it was still too big, was the closest thing they had to fitting me. I did book reports on Coco Chanel, read up on Yves Saint Laurent's Moroccan garden, and couldn't wait to get my hands on anything designer.
My interest in fashion led to my love for interior design. To me interior design is like a really important, expensive outfit that you want to fit today's fashion but also have timeless elements. Our city apartments, in my opinion, were easy to design. Small spaces, lots of needs, and for us, never permanent which made the decisions a lot easier. I made sure I loved the expensive pieces - the couch, the dining room table- in the hopes that when we moved we could reuse some of those pieces. Though, the reality is every space is different, styles change, and I'm guessing it's pretty rare that all furniture translates easily from one space to another. We still have some pieces from our apartment in our house, but the scale isn't really right.
Fast forward to renovating and decorating our house and I'm struggling. To me every decision seems so permanent, so weighted, that I get stressed out and walk away. The only decisions I have confidence in are the ones I make with our interior designer because in my mind I have a professional guiding the decisions. This post made me realize what's been holding me back and it's the fear of permanence. The city was never where I wanted to end up so every decision was temporary. Perhaps our current home isn't forever either and I need to approach each decision without such a heavy weight.
Our front powder room was probably the first project we took on because we wanted our home to make a good impression since it's right off the foyer. I don't like florals, yet I chose a bold floral wallpaper. Five years later, I'm looking to replace it to something different. When I think about the price per day, the cost of the wallpaper that I've had for five years is not substantial. Although some decisions can cause larger financial regrets, this, thankfully, is not one of them. So here's to my lack of decision making on yet another home project. Do you think I should go bold or muted like the rest of our home?